The Old Woman of Haunted House
Written by Judson Fountain
Judson Fountain: Johnny, Molly, Pop Serriano, and the Old Woman
Sandor Weisberger: Announcer and Johnny's father
Bill Apter: Tom
Sanders Recordings LP 714, New York, 1969
transcribed from LP by Don Brockway
(SFX - Phone rings twice; phone is picked up)
Johnny: Yeah, who is it?
Tom: (On filter) Hi, it's me, Tom.
Johnny: Yeah, Tom, what is it?
Tom: I just called to ask ya ... are you really going to go through with
Johnny: Sure I am. I told you so, dit'n't I?
Tom: Yes, Johnny, I ...
Johnny: Now look, I don't need any advice from you!
Tom: Well, I just thought that maybe I could ...
Johnny: I know what you thought ...
Tom: Well ...
Johnny: You're wasting your time. So long, punk, I've got things to do.
(SFX - Phone hang up)
Now to get out of here before anyone else calls.
(SFX - Door opens, footsteps on stairs)
Dad: And where do you think you're going?
Johnny: Get out of the way, Dad, you know where I'm going.
Dad: So you're leaving. Running away from home. Why, when I was your age
(waits to be interrupted)
Johnny: Don't start that 'when I was your age back in the old country," Dad.
Thing have changed. I'm eighteen years old; I can do what I want! I'm not
running aray [sic] from home; the laws change. I'm on my own.
Dad: LISTEN! Even though I'm your father, I hate to say it about my own son.
But you're a mean-evil-vicious kid. You'd better repent of your evil ways!
There's a God above, and he's got his eyes on all of us. I can tell ...
Johnny: (interrupting) Oh, knock it off, Dad. I don't want to hear
any preachin'; I know how holy and righteous you are. Don't give me any
sermons, just let me ...(waits to be interrupted)
Dad: All right now, you just shut up a moment. Yes, I try to be a
good man. I try so hard to be better than anyone else. But I'm going to tell
you something you don't know about me ... something that will shock you
beyond your wildest dreams.
(Break character but continue speech rhythm without pause)
Sandor Weisberger: Hello out there in Radioland. This is Sandor Weisberger.
Perhaps many of you listening in now remember the radio program Judson
Fountain brought to you, called House Of Death.
Well, Judson wishes to thank all of you, of all races, and even our Puerto
Rican Friends, both adults and teen-agers, who complimented that program.
Because Judson believes that "Radio was where talent really is." And it's
the best and everybody's medium. Because it lets you use ... your
So for all of you who heard that program and wanted another good ghost
story, and for you who are listening in now, even if you didn't hear that
Get set ... because right now ... Judson Fountain brings you another
(SFX - cheesy female screams; baying wolves)
... thrilling tale of suspense ... and ... mysssss ... stery. And we want all of
you to stop what you are doing right now. And do as many of those who heard
House Of Death did.
(SFX under - Wavering, theremin-style tremolo)
Turn off allllllllll the lights.
(SFX under - Dogs barking)
And be completely in the dark, as we bring you this brand-new radio drama
... The Old Woman of Haunted Howwwwse.
(SFX - More screaming, more weird tremolo)
Johnny: All right now Dad, whas that story you were gonna tell me?
(SFX - out)
Dad: Allright. You always thought your mother died. Well, she didn't. Before
you were two years old, she left me. Because I worked with Pop Serriano. I
know you don't know about him. But let me tell you. He was about the meanest
cold-blooded man I ever knew. (Pause) There also was a notorious
gun moll called Molly. She was trying to take over the little town Pop
Serriano controlled. And he knew it. I cadaremember [sic]
it just as if it ... if it only happened last night.
(SFX - under - sirens)
Pop and I was hiding out with the loot we got from the bank job. No one knew
where we were hiding out except our boys, who were supposed to get their
share later. (Pause) The minute Pop heard the police cars ...
Pop: The coppers are comin' for us! Someone blew the whis-soe! But I'm not
afraid of dem, they're sissies! Hey you cops, come and get me! This is Pop
Serriano talkin' to you. You're all sissies; you can't get Pop Serriano! You
can't get Pop Serriano; you're all sissies! I can excape [sic] from
Dad: (To Johnny) Well ... Pop not only could ... but did. I can
deremember [sic] when we were drivin' along in the car, Pop said ...
(SFX - Car interior)
Pop: (Long pause) No one knew where we were except the boys! They
didn't squeal! They want their share! They wouldn't dare squeal on Pop
Serriano! There's only one person in my oper- ... There's only one
person who would - Molly! She's been tryin' to take over my
Dad: Yeah, I heard that, Pop. She found out some way ... we'd be ...
wh-where we'd be!
Pop: ... And she blew the whis-soe! No one blows the whis-soe on Pop
Serriano. Now I'll tell you what I want you to do! I want you to go to
Dad: But Pop, I hear she's tough!
Pop: She's tough? She's only a woman. I'm tough. I'm Pop Serriano. Do you
hear me? I'm Pop Serriano! Now, you go to Molly, and you tell her that Pop
Serriano say [sic] he's comin' after her! Because he knew she blew
Dad: All right, Pop, I'll go to Molly and tell her just what you said.
(SFX - Car interior up full and out)
(To Johnny) Well ... I did go. The minute I told Molly what Pop
Molly: That's right, I did blow the whis-soe, so what ... I'm
Dad: Well, he's pretty angry, Molly. He said he's goin' to get you for
blowin' the whistle!
Molly: Now he did, did he? Well you go back and tell that old man that
Molly said, he better go and get his mother. And tell him forget
I'm a woman; if he wants to rumble, come on over! And bring his mother,
too! I'll mop the floor up with both of them. And you can also tell
him this: If he starts makin' any insultin' remarks, I send him this little
You can talk about my sister,
You can talk about my brother.
But when you talk about me,
You talk about your mother.
Dad: Well, that's kind of rough, Molly.
Molly: I intended for it to be rough; I'm rough. I'm Molly. You
tell that old bow-legged knock-kneeded [sic] old foss-owe that I'm Molly!
And Molly blew the whis-soe!
Dad: Well, I'll tell him, Molly (leaving scene, voice fades), but
he won't like it.
(To Johnny) Well, I did tell Pop. When I told him ... I remember
him saying ...
Pop: I'm Pop Serriano! Do you hear me? I'm Pop Serriano! And nobody talks
like that to Pop Serriano! My old man wouldn't e'en talk like that
- he'd be too scared!
Dad: Well, Pop - what are you going to do?
Pop: Can't you guess? She blew the whis-soe. No one blows the whis-soe on
Pop Serriano. Do you see this phone? I still got connections. I'll
have her taken care of NO! I'll come back to her myself. Pop Serriano will
take care of this himself.
Dad: OK, Pop. (Pause) I hope you know what you're doin'.
(To Johnny) Well, that's all I know. Did you ever hear of Haunted
Johnny: Yeah, I've heard of it. It's a li'l after you come out of the
Dad: Yes! There's an old woman who lives there. They call her -
the old woman of Haunted House. She has a strange, queer voice - and people
think she's not human. No-boty [sic] goes there. Folks are
too scared. Some - who went near there especially at night - said they heard
strange noises. And saw strange creatures going into the house. But one
thing is agreed upon: nobody good ever enters that place. Only a very
wicked, cruel, evil person. And they never is seen again after they enter
that place. Molly went there. And Pop Serrianto [sic]
followed her there. And they were there. They were ... and you were only two
years old! Now you're eighteen now, and no one has heard from either one
It scared me so bad - I repented! That's why I do so much good now! Because
I know that the wicked is punished; and don't fool yourself about these
gangsters and people livin' it up big. (Pause) Some are so scared,
why ... I ... if you knew the fear that they lived in, and how they suffer
secretly (catches breath) ... you won't want to be like them.
Johnny: Very pretty li'l sermon, Dad. Now, if you don't mind ... um ...
(footsteps) I've got to go somewhere.
Dad: So you're not going to listen! I know about you beating up those kids;
robbin' them of their money; stealin' their cars; sellin' them ... so you're
not going to listen!
Johnny: All right Dad! Being's you know so much about me, I'll tell you
what I am going to do, Dad.
I'm going to Haunted House. That old woman there must have a few thousand
hitten [sic] around the house. If she doesn't give it to me, I'll
beat her black and blue.
Dad: No, Johnny! You're goin' to your death! No one has ever left that
(SFX - footsteps)
Johnny: So long, Dad. I'll drop you a line when I get the old woman's
Dad: No, Johnny, come back! Come BACK! (fades out)
Johnny: Ah, good, now, ah, here we are. Gee, what a ghostly-lookin' old
house. I'll knock on the door.
(SFX - five knocks)
Hah, gee, that's funny, I don't ... I don't hear any crickets like I did
when I got out of the car. There's no noise out here at all. Well, doesn't
(SFX - five knocks)
(continuing) Really doesn't matter, I ... oh, come on, hurry up,
you old hag! I want to get your money and blow this joint.
(SFX - four knocks. The huge door creaks open slowly)
Old Woman: (High-pitched; drawn-out wavering whine) Good evening,
Johnny: Oh, no. A horrible voice and a horrible lookin' old hag.
Old Woman: What did you saaaaaay?
Johnny: Oh, er, ah, nothing, uh, look, I, I got lost in the woods; I wonder
if I might come in - just to have something to eat?
Old Woman: Of courrrrrse. I don't have many vis-it-tors; come on
(SFX - door creaks again)
All right! Now we're miles away from the city and people, no one can hear
you. So don't cry out. Now you see this? If you don't know what it is, I'll
tell you. It's a gun. Now, old things like you always have money hitten
[sic] around the house; I want yours.
Old Woman: You wooden rob an old woman, would yooou?
Johnny: (Sneeringly) Well, I'll tell you ... hag. I've robbed boys
younger than I; stole cars and sold them. I could give you a life's history
about me that would shock you. So robbin' an old hag doesn't mean any more
to me than what I've already done. So come on now, where's the money?
Old Woman: (Shrieks with delight) AAAAAAAhhhhhh - haaaaah! I've
been waitin' a long time for someone like you. Look at me ... Look at
(SFX - Harp glissando)
Johnny: Hey ... hey what's the matter with your eyes, they're ... they're
growin' [sic] with a strange bluish light ... I can't move!
Old Woman: Look at meeeeeee ...
(SFX abruptly ceases)
AAAAAAAhhhhhh - haaaaah! What's the maaaatter? You can't moooove? You can't
talk? It's 11:30 now; I'm goin' out to get my friends - they'll be here at
mitnight [sic]! Don't go waaaaay!
Johnny: Hey! Hey, come back! Please come back can't you hear me? Can't you
hear what I'm thinkin'? Please! Please come back! Plum back [sic]
please please please come back (fades out)
Hey, I ... I can move my li'l finger a li'l bit now, I ... (sigh) I
can, uh ... (sigh) I can move my fingers, I (sigh) I can
roll my eyes, I ... I can see the clock on the wall ... it ... it's almost
mit-night [sic]. I can move my lips, I ... I can ... I can ...
(sigh) ... I can talk ...
(SFX - footsteps)
I can walk, I ... I've got to get out of here!
(SFX - Footsteps, door rattles)
The door ... the door, it's locked. I ... oh-oh no. The old woman! I ... I
can see her from the window and ... what are those terrible things with her?
I know ... I know what I'll do, I'll ... I'll hide upstairs, she'll ...
she'll think I'm gone.
(SFX - Footsteps up the stairs; creaky door opens)
Now ... Now I'll chain and bolt the door ...
(SFX - Chain and bolt)
And now ... now she'll think I'm gone.
Old Woman: (Calling out) Boyyyyy? Boyyyyy, are you up therrrrrre?
Johnny: It's the old woman. And maybe those things, I ... I won't
Old Woman: Boyyyy? My friends are here with me. They want to talk to you!
(SFX - Wolves howling/ human screaming, then under for:)
Listen! Do you hear them?
(SFX - low, guttural growling; the weird tremolo effect)
Johnny: Oh, no. Now, what are those things? What are those
(SFX - out abruptly; replaced by slow, deliberate footsteps)
Old Woman: (Still calling out) Boyyyyy! We're coming up the
Johnny: No ... no ... no, they ca ... they can't! Oh, no. No.
(SFX - louder now)
(SFX - footsteps stop. Three knocks on the door)
Old Woman: (close by, now) Boyyyy! Are you in therrrrre? We want
to come innnnnn!
Johnny: No, I ... I won't answer ...
Old Woman: Boyyyy! We're coming innnnnn!
(SFX - female scream, low growls, under for:)
Johnny: Hey! Hey, what's that noise?
(SFX - Harp glissando)
Hey, there's that strange blue light again. Hey! That old woman and those
things ... they're coming right through the door, as if they
dittint [sic] exist!
(SFX - weird tremolo again)
Old Woman: AAAAAAAhhhhhh - haaaaah!
Johnny: No! Stay back!
(SFX - Really nasty growling noise)
Uh! Stay back! Keep away from me! Keep away from me!! Keep away from me!!!
(SFX - ugly growling noise; tremolo; then new rising tremolo effect to
high note, which carries under the following:)
Sandor Weisberger: You have been listening to The Old Woman Of Haunted
Written and directed especially for radio by Judson Fountain.
I, Sandor Weisberger, played Johnny's father.
Tom was played by Bill Apter.
And Johnny, Molly, Pop Serriano, and The Old Woman were played by Judson
This is Sandor Weisberger, again saying we hope you all enjoyed this radio
drama, and thank you ... again ... for listening in.